I don’t apologize for this, why? Because I know that it is in discomfort that we grow. I am actually grateful if you are one of the people that gets triggered and here is why.
If the information I am about to deliver triggers you, it means you have sat in comfort for so long that it is painful. You have done the ‘right’ thing by everyone else for so long that you are starting to recognize ‘the loss of you’. When we start to grieve the loss of oneself in a relationship it is the most painful feeling, your heart is being torn apart.
We are literally asking our hearts to choose between them and ourselves.
For many men that find themselves in these situations, often in relationships, it is one of the most common things men say to me when they start working with me.
‘I lost myself in my last relationship and it hurt so much and took so long to repair that I don’t ever want to put myself in that position again!.’
The problem with that, is you never heal the broken heart and so every time you feel you are choosing them over you or going against your gut instinct the wound opens up again.
This then affects your productivity – a phenomenon I like to call ‘The heart drainer.’ To understand this more please click here.
I want to come back to the gut instinct – and why we go against it. I often hear men refer to it as gut instinct and women as feminine intuition.
Either way, what I am referring to is the little voice, the whisper that says, ’Don’t do it, you will regret it!’ Or ‘Say no!’ Even though saying no will cause a challenge, you know it’s what’s best for all! These little voices that we ignore, the whispers, I can guarantee are the times when you live through your most painful and biggest regrets. It’s like a short-term gain for long-term pain.
Ok, so I want to address why this happens. Why in long-term relationships you ‘lose yourself.’ It is all to do with the imbalance of your masculine and feminine energy.
What’s that I hear you say?
Well, I could write a book on this itself! (and maybe that is my 4th book after I have finished writing my third).
In brief, there are certain principles we need to establish before I describe the energies.
The principles of the masculine and feminine energies are:
- They are not gender specific – ie. we all have both.
- There is no one size, perfect balance for all!
- If your balance is off, it will impact all aspects of your life – relationships, work, health, and life.
- When your balance is right you magnetize your perfect intimate partner.
- Achieving the balance feels like absolute alignment and bliss! It is the secret sauce to happiness.
- You need polarity for there to be passion and intimacy in your relationship.
Ok, so now I have you interested. The table below gives you the highlights
- Doing energy
- Action taking
- Lean forward
- Taking no charge
- Making decisions
- Being energy
- Going with the flow
- Leaning inwards
- Allowing to be lead
- Being guided rather than making decisions
The aim of the game is to:
- Master the art of understanding your natural balance within you.
- Then observe how your beloved or, if you are single are responding to you. If it is positive then they are the one and if not then – next!
- Maintain your balance even when it seems your beloved is testing you. AKA, don’t be a pleaser and go against your gut instinct.
I am now going to explain why men lose themselves in their long-term relationships and are one of the biggest causes for breakups.