Warning! This article is going to trigger you.
If you can’t take it, you need to learn why not and what you must do to get over it.
Yep, this is the article for you! Hardcore, straight-talking facts.
It is going to hit some home truths. I have spent weeks nurturing you and now it is time to take the velvet glove off to reveal the iron fist.
It is time to tell you what you need to hear not what you want.
The question is: Are you man enough to take it?
Now, remember everything I say comes from a place of love and courage. This is not because I am a man basher – though I have been very guilty of this in the past. I will speak about why I was and why women do this to men later, but first I want you to brace yourself take a deep breath.
I mean it, do it.
There is a reason why I ask you to breathe, it gets you out of your f**king head and helps you feel my intention. That is to help you, find YOU Again. You know the man who wears his ‘balls’ with pride in his relationship. The one who knows how to give his women what she needs not what she wants or asks for.
This is exactly my intention for you today and is the reason men lie to their wives.
Ok, so now I have set the scene and you are clear on my intention to serve you I will begin explaining my theory.
The reason this conversation is coming up now is because of a clubhouse room.
I was asked to be the expert speaker and what I am about to reveal became very clear that men not just young men but older men in power were still ‘victims’ too.
The plague of ‘the mummy‘s boy’ or otherwise known as the ‘the pleaser plague’.
Yep, you guessed it addicted or should I say fear of upsetting the women syndrome.
This doesn’t mean I am blaming your mothers nor you because you were both unconscious of the damage you were doing. In fact, she was doing what she thought was the right thing by you.
It’s this very same thing that I am about to explain that is the reason boys in China are being sent to masculinity school. The curse of ‘the mummy’s boy.’
Protect and provide for the little darlings so they can’t get hurt. Wrap them up in Cotton wool. Don’t allow them to fall. ‘oh be careful darling!’
How often have you heard that growing up or heard a mother say it to their little boy?
Now remember I am not bashing mothers – I happen to be one. The reason I am being so abrupt is to let you know we (women) are not as fragile as you think.
We protect and provide for our children like fierce lionesses and hence the jumping to the rescue.
The problem is not the lioness but the rise in the lioness being the sole partner and boys being raised by single mothers. They don’t have the balance of the masculine role – the father who lets him climb the tree, fall, and then brush himself off.
The father who is not fearful of telling his wife the truth about how she looks in the dress not to be mean but because he respects himself enough to know that if he can be trusted to tell the truth even if she doesn’t like it then she can trust him to keep her safe. Her job is to be self-aware enough not to need reassurance from him about her body and to be strong enough to want the truth. After all, nobody wants to be seen with a woman in a dress that looks bloody awful and she certainly doesn’t want to be looking like a dog’s dinner either. She should trust her man enough to know he loves enough to never let that happen.
So why do men lie about these things?
Surely honesty is the best way?
Well here is the golden gem. The one thing that once men overcome it, they will not only have their women look amazing but also think she is amazing!
Do you know what the reason is why men can’t say when she asks, ‘do I look fat in this?’
‘Yes dear you do (if she does)’
Is because of ‘fear’ of upsetting first their mother and now their wives.
They have been conditioned from a young age not to upset their single mother (or if their father works away or is absent emotionally- a whole other story to dig into) because they run the risk of being abandoned and not worthy of love.
The challenge here is for you gentlemen, if you have never been taught how to speak your truth while still reassuring her then you will find yourself being de-masculated time and time again. E.g handing over your ‘balls’ on a silver platter.
I see this over and over again. Let me summarise the problem.
- Lack of strong male roles growing up.
- Being overprotected as a child.
- Women wanting reassurance from you but not asking you directly for it and are unable to find it in themselves.
- You have never been taught it is ok to speak your truth even if it means she will be hurt – she is stronger than you think.
So I hear you asking what is the solution?
Well, it is very simple.
Reclaim your balls.
This takes courage
This takes you willing to face rejection and abandonment and trust that you are man enough to deal with this. You are not broken. You will be ok. In fact, it is a knowing that not only will you be ok but, you will grow from this reclaiming your manhood and strength.
And the added bonus is your woman will love you more for it because she can trust you to tell the truth and translated for her this means.
If you can deal with her upset by being a man and speaking your truth then she can trust you to protect her from the Sabretooth tiger.
This is what I like to call win, win, win!
A win for you (the men), win for her (the women), and win for all because you now become the role model for all the men and boys you come into contact with. A safer and happier place for all our children collectively.
It is these very conversations and of course, navigating the exact language on how you manage the whole ‘do I look fat in this dress conversation.’ that I coach my elite executives that earn 8/9 figures.
So please don’t think successful men don’t suffer from the plague. They do. They just have decided to take a different roadmap on how to reclaim their manhood. Finding themselves again.