I have recently coached some men who have had many broken relationships or marriages, and the one pattern I have noticed with all these men is that the lack of commitment is just the symptom. The problem is not a commitment but a fear of abandonment.
That sounds counterintuitive, right!
Hear me out. If you are a man who self sabotages every relationship- i.e. there is nothing wrong. It’s just going well, and then all of a sudden, you get cold feet and start thinking thoughts of
- Is there something better?
- Is this it?
- I am not good enough for this lady.
It’s usually a combination of any one of these things.
So let’s unpack this.
I have realised this phenomenon by working with hundreds of successful entrepreneurs, particularly men. They aren’t even aware that they have abandonment issues.
Now let’s think about this: if 50% of marriages end in divorce, then it is highly likely that at least half of the population is being, and has been raised by one parent, usually the mother, and if present, the father, is part-time. Now, this is not bashing fathers. It occurs for several reasons, from the courts favouring mothers’ rights to fathers just leaving. There is no one to blame, just facts of the current situation.
So if 50% of marriages end in divorce, it is likely 50% of children could have deep-rooted subconscious beliefs relating to abandonment. This leads to;
- Men that abandon their responsibilities, who can’t commit.
- ‘You are not meant to be with one person forever!’ mindset.
- The fear of abandonment is so intense that they leave before being abandoned because everyone eventually goes.
I see these patterns increasingly with my clients, and, sadly, these beautiful men are throwing away incredible relationships and opportunities for love and freedom. Yet, see the very thing they seek – freedom is the same thing they don’t believe is possible in a relationship. However, what is misunderstood is that the ‘trapped feeling’ is not a result of the women but ‘the perception that a man can’t have freedom in a relationship.’
Can you see how ‘f***ed up’ this is?
It’s no wonder that good men are ending relationships for no reason, and even they can’t explain it, but the fear of abandonment has much greater leverage than the fear of the unknown. The unknown being
‘What if it is possible to have freedom in a healthy relationship?’
You can decode all the history in your family lineage.
See, the subconscious mind is responsible for 95% of our thoughts, beliefs and actions! So let me land this plane – that means that most of our beliefs, opinions and activities we do on autopilot. We are blind to it.
Gentlemen, most of you are walking around unaware that this fear of abandonment is even a thing for you and it’s the very thing that is keeping you abandoned and lonely.