I had tried everything.
- Speaking directly
- Asking for what I want
- Throwing plates
- Silent treatment
- Withholding affection and sex.
And he still chose work over the family and me. It was like nothing else mattered.
My whole world could be crumbling, and he wouldn’t even notice!
That was my life.
I felt like I had two choices and no voice And neither felt great.
Leave him or stay.
Here is what I have learnt since then.
I have mastered the art of feeling fully heard and seen in a way that lands for me, and I don’t have to ask him!
Can you imagine?
It took years and years of learning, understanding and rewiring.
But yes, ladies, it is possible to magnetise your man after 20 years of marriage. My only regret is I didn’t learn it sooner.
Love is so complicated, and men are so difficult to understand.
We get frustrated at why they would do the crazy things like tease and pick fun at the most inappropriate times.
Or they completely ignore you and then ask you again.
This is not a man-bashing blog, but more of a get where you are, and there are more than two options for you.
The problem is not many ladies like to hear, nor do they want to do the third option.
I was one of those women until I had exhausted all the other options.
And I didn’t want to repeat history with someone else.
That was a big breakthrough when I realised that if I were to leave my hubby, what are the chances I wouldn’t end up in precisely the same position with another man?
And worse still, wishing I was still with my hubby.
See, lack of love is never the issue!
The issue is a lack of knowledge and courage.
One of the things that was the game-changer for me was three things.
- I can’t change him.
- He is responding to me.
- If I change, I have a chance that I will be happy.
There is a caveat with 3 – I first started changing cause I thought if I changed, that would make him change, and I would be happy.
Nope, it doesn’t work like that because if you are in a relationship to get something, you are setting yourself up to fail! And I mean big time fail. And here is why.
Your happiness relies on someone else!
You can’t control someone else. If you need someone else to make you happy, you will always feel a lack of happiness – The key to your happiness comes from you.
The change must be for you to be happier, not for him to change.
That is conditional love!
So the question then is, how do you have happiness and connection in your marriage?
Here is the gold!
- Change for you
- Love unconditionally
- Be the change you desire
Finally, give because you want to give, not because you to want to get in return.