Because it provides people with an interpretation as to why they focus on what they do in each phase of their life… Just to note there is also a very common life cycle of a woman too, but this will not be covered in this article. Let’s focus on one thing at a time shall we.
Recognising ‘the tunnel’ helps your wife understand that you aren’t ignoring her. If I had understood this cycle at the beginning of my marriage it would have stopped me from believing that my man was having an affair!
That’s right, the relationship strategist – with over two decades of experience – felt she was second fiddle to another woman. But it turned out not to be a ‘who’ that had his attention and focus but a ‘what’. What I was actually insanely jealous of was called ‘The Business’. His work. The thing he stayed away from our home, our children and from me for 12-16 hours a day.
In our own relationship, the tunnel concept gave my man the power to understand his drivers and why his need to provide – at certain phases in his life – was unstoppable and, at times – from my perspective, unbearable. This realisation enabled answers to why he came home day after day at 11pm and then had the drive to get up again the next day and leave for work at 6am.
Understanding that the life cycle changes and pivots and fluctuates and modifies also offers an explanation as to why he no longer desires that level of ‘hustle’ now and why his priorities are different.
Have I expressed enough the importance of knowing where you are, where you have been and where you are heading in your life and relationship?
Good, because understanding the tunnel can be essential to relationships – in some cases saving them entirely.
It is so interesting because when I explained this to one of my highly successful friends (and when I say successful I mean he has sold 7 companies successfully for 9 figures each, that kinda guy!) his mind was blown. He couldn’t believe that he was also in the tunnel – he was on the journey himself!
He actually started to play a game with his new found perceptive knowledge! He could look at another successful executive and name exactly where this man was in his own life. He started to enjoy his new sage-like wisdom so much that he’d start assessing the level of ‘tunnelitus’ (yes, that is a phrase I had entirely fabricated!) when he was having coffee, in the shops – spotting tunnel-stages while just out and about!
So, having teased the fact that ‘tunnel; is the answer to so many questions – shall I now take you on a journey through it… Ok, great, we are you ready, here we go!
Phase One: The pauper – typically below the age of 18. This guy is just curious about the world, takes massive risks and is completely unaware of the consequences. The reason young boys leap off high walls or furniture or, when they hit the teenager years, they play games like ‘chicken’ (you know the one where you run across the highway aiming to avoid the cars) is because they have nothing to lose. They are poor.