Every single woman I interact with is destroying their men with their words and they don’t even know it!
Before we start I want you to understand that this blog is written in service of women and men. It will trigger many of you and I want you to sit with the trigger. All I ask is rather than blame me for the trigger – ask yourself a better question:
- Why is this triggering me?
- What is it about me that is hurt by this?
- What do I need to learn?
Here is why.
If you blame me you will never learn anything. You will continue to be unhappy in your relationships and be clueless as to why.
Because I am guessing you are reading this because deep in your heart you are unhappy with your man and the way he is with you. He feels like a bit of wet lettuce or you are frustrated with the constant disconnect or distance. Him pulling away and possibly the pleaser and yes man he has become. The lack of decision making?
Do you ask yourself constantly – why can’t he make a bloody decision? Come on man up! Grow a set!
You may not be saying it directly to him but are your feeling it?
I can guarantee if you are feeling this no words are needed – he is feeling that from you and he has no clue how to fix it. He is going as you are deeper and deeper into the black hole of loss!
So do you keep doing what you are doing to ‘fix ‘ him?
Are you getting the strong, attentive and connected man you desire by doing this?
So why do we keep banging our heads against a brick wall?
Stop it! It hurts!
It hurts you, and him and your children in the long run cause they learn that this is normal behaviour in a relationship and it is not.
Ok, so what is the thing that YOU are doing probably every conversation with your man that is crushing him and making him feel so small because believe it or not our words have the strongest power over men and we manipulate men with them.
We use them as a weapon and we don’t even realise it.
Our words on a man cut deep in their hearts. It’s the equivalent of being completely ignored and neglected by our men. It for them literally feels like abuse to them and we don’t even know it.
Imagine a man beating a woman and him being completely oblivious to it and denying all knowledge of it.
That would be horrific right?
Well because men’s and women’s brains are designed differently and nobody tells us this. We don’t study it at school we learn behaviours from women who are in protection mode. You may have been raised by a single mother or come from a dysfunctional family or a woman who was suppressed or a father who was dictated to by a strong woman.
We pick up all our social norms in our primary years and build on them.
Here is why a woman in ‘protection’ mode especially unconsciously (most of us are living our lives in this mode and not even aware) does this more than ever because deep in our psyche we know men are physically stronger than us and our power is in our words. So we use them like a knife.
How many times have you criticised your man and noticed his shoulders drop? He appears like a little boy. Defeated and hopeless. It’s the biggest turn-off! Yet he can’t win. If he does it his way it’s wrong and if he doesn’t do it it’s wrong. He will be criticised either way!
When all he is trying to do is make you happy!
See when I found this out it blew my mind.
Healthy men’s main goal in their relationships is not sex (yes they like and want that) but how often does he say to you ‘I just want to make you happy!’
Take a moment and think back- how often?
A lot right.
He wants you to be happy. That is his measure of success. If he is being criticised by you that tells him he is failing and not enough! Major major problem. You will never ever, ever magnetise the man you once had by criticising him. It will move him further away from you and you will promote the pleaser in him! Guaranteed.
Take it from a woman who tried it for two decades.
Here is why we do it cause we want to ‘help’ them be better.
The problem is they didn’t ask for help, we presume they are broken and that they are incapable of doing it ‘right.’
Just read that back. Can you imagine living with someone who assumed you needed help and that something was wrong with you and you can’t get anything right?
And so they constantly ‘corrected’ you!
How would you feel?
Eventually, you would feel defeated and powerless.
You would become co-dependent and exhausted with trying to make the right decision and always being wrong.
Ladies, I love you and I want the best for you and your men and so I say this with love stop criticising your men. It is not helping them.
It is actually hurting them.
Honour them with praise for the effort they are putting in to making YOU happy.
Forgive yourself for not knowing and take action now today praise instead of criticising and watch how your man is magnetised to you cause he feels he is winning.
This is just the surface of the many things I help you to achieve success and happiness in your relationships. If you want to go deeper with me then Magnetise your Man masterclass is the perfect way to give you even more!