When you are in your third decade of a relationship like I am, you start to wonder is it worth the pain? My hubby and I were talking about this last night. Our marriage has been one of the most volatile, challenging and expansive experiences of our lives.
What I am about to share hasn’t been shared before, is deeply personal and makes me feel very vulnerable. The reason I share it is not to talk about me and my relationships, but to help you understand that whatever I talk about I have learnt, not just with textbooks, but through living the pain and power.
It is only through learning from my ‘mistakes’ that I can help others. See, there are two types of mentors and coaches – those who have read about it and those who have lived it. I mean, I know I would want business advice from a coach who is a few steps ahead of me, who has the successful business that I strive for, not the one who knows all the strategies, but not the feeling of what it takes to deliver the results.
So why is it so important to have been through it? Well, because – as a coach/mentor/expert – when you then support someone you know and feel their pain, passion and power. That collective energy that you feel from that mentor is the magic that takes you to the next level.
Think about it: how many strategies, books and courses have you bought and never implemented? Right! You can study these things all day long but, the truth is, it’s the magnetism of someone who has been there, got the t-shirt and that can often serve as the strongest guide for you to follow.
A great mentor will know all the pitfalls, all the times when you feel like giving up, and what will get you through… Step 22 of a book won’t give you that.
So here we go… The conversation that happened between my hubby and I just last week.
I had a really dark day. I call them my ‘shadow days’ when I just couldn’t shift my mood. Yes, it happens to the best of us. How I manage them has evolved over the years and they don’t last months now, in fact they don’t extend beyond a day now. So in the evening, we sat having a deep and meaningful conversation – we both sigh when this happens… you know the type of conversation!
When he said how exhausting the process is and he shared that he had asked himself several times, ‘is it worth it?’