I used to think it was impossible to get him to look at me the way he did when we were dating

Everything changed for me when I decided that I could magnetise my man. 

• I was worth my happiness and love, and I want more. 
• I deserve more. 
• I desire more. 
• I am amazing. 

I just got to figure out a way to be that girl again but a 2.2 version of her. 

I’ve got to decide that it can happen again for me if he has done it once. 

So what happened next was wild! And has been the journey of the past five years. 

I thought it would be ok if I could just get him to see where ‘he was going wrong’ and ‘fix him’. 

We would be ok! 

Boy, was I wrong? 

I took/dragged him to a guru (Tony Robbins) to fix him! 

Boy, was I in for a ‘treat.’

See, I thought the moment Tony asked me to stand up; he would defend me and tell my hubby why he was wrong and what he could do to improve the marriage. Because, you see, I was the ‘A’ player-coach. I knew it all, and I was perfect! 

🤦🏽‍♀️

I couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

In that two-hour intervention with Tony, when Tony tore me down, I realised that I was equally responsible for our breakdown in the marriage.

I had caused many problems in trying to help and fix them. 

Because I had realised that I had put my map of the world on him and expected him to respond like a woman. The truth is he is not a woman. 

He is a man. A man that I fell in love with for all his beautiful qualities! Kindness, generosity and family values. 

So why had I spent two decades trying to change him??? 

Because guess what had happened? 

• He changed – the only thing is the more he changed, the more he repulsed me! 
• The more unhappy and less connection I felt in our marriage. 
• The more he stayed at work. 
• The more he became disconnected. 
• The more lonely I felt. 

Help!!!! 

Someone help me help him! 

That was the problem right there!

I had thought he was the problem, and the truth was I was the problem in thinking he needed to be improved, and I was the one that was going to be fully responsible for him becoming the man he, (nope), I, wanted him to be. 

This illusion that the movies give you of the “perfect couple.”

Romance in Paris with the Eiffel tower in the background, flying in private jets, and having a six-pack! 

This is not real, nor is it what most of us want. 

We attract our partners because we hold the same values and remain with them, unless we misalign as we grow, and then we leave. 

The problem that I had realised was that in changing him, I was moving him away from his values which were also mine! 

Double self destruct!

So only I could fix this problem. 

• Through learning. 
• Through acceptance and forgiveness. 

All of it. 

This is why I developed my heart model 

• H – Honesty 

• E – Education 

• A – Articulate 

• R – Resolve 

• T – Test new waters. 

This blog describes how I came to the truth first. It starts with her ladies. 

If we continue to blame our men for our failing marriages and do not accept responsibility for our part, then we are basically to blame for the death of the marriage. 

I know a lot of you are screaming “what about him!?”!

You can keep going down that path if that is you, and nothing will change. Or you can decide that you hold your power. So stop giving it to him and start taking control of you and your emotional needs instead of expecting him to change to fix them. 

Because I guarantee the moment he changes, it will never be enough. There will be something else and something else, and you will never be satisfied. 

Find satisfaction in yourself first! 

And watch how he responds to a beautiful, happy, powerful, and satisfied woman just because of who she is, not what her man does for her! 

It’s a whole new and different vibe!